[Official Thread] Help Dakoom with his Language Problems. Goal? Create better songs!

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Dakoom, Dec 1, 2015.

  1. VICE

    VICE tool

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    Think should be "Will the roses burn throughout the sky?".
    You need to ask another user just to double confirm, I'm not good with grammar.
     
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  2. Dakoom

    Dakoom Web City

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    Thank you, VICE. Let's wait for someone else then! :)
     
  3. Ummagumma

    Ummagumma Adherent

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    This is correct. :)
     
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  4. darnoldy

    darnoldy Curmudgeon

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    "Will roses burn" is correct if you are talking about roses in general—another example would be "Will there be clouds in the sky today?"

    "Will the roses burn" is correct if you are talking about specific (or previously mentioned) roses—another example "the clouds that you see are cumulus"

    This is one of the big difficulties for speakers of Romance languages trying to speak English—not always using the definite article, "the."

    This also shows up in your first post, "the Hell." The "the" is not needed if you are talking about the metaphysical place (the one that you would capitalize). "You are going to Hell for that!"

    If you are talking about a specific personal suffering, then you might use the "the" but you would not capitalize "hell." "I am going through the hell of defending my dissertation, right now."

    Hope this helps.
     
    Last edited: Feb 21, 2016
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  5. Dakoom

    Dakoom Web City

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    Thank you a lot. So "the" should be used when you refer to something that you already wrote about in the previous lines, right?

    --

    I also have these two little lyrics (and I don't know if they are correct or not):

    and

    Are they well written? :D
     
  6. darnoldy

    darnoldy Curmudgeon

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    "The" is used when your are referring to a specific thing (its called a "definite" article). Another example: "Love is in the air." but "The love of my life..."

    "In the name of some love..." would be stronger as "In the name of love..."

    "write for a song, make it real," probably should be "write a song, make it real," ("for a song" has an idiomatic meaning of "cheaply")

    "look back, the sun, is there a spooky man?" "spooky" is not quite the word you want—"spooky" is what you do at a halloween party for small children, it has a sense of trivial to it that I don't think you mean.
     
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  7. Dakoom

    Dakoom Web City

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    Thank you!

    I deliberately used "some" in order to give "Love" less power, as it is a pretty sad song/lyric. Like *if* is there some love, somewhere.

    Basically here I'd like to talk about the shadow of the man. Imagine this figure: a man in the street with sun and his shadow behind him. That's why I used "spooky", but if you say so I can easily change it to "misterious".
     
  8. VICE

    VICE tool

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    If the sun is behind him, shouldn't the shadow be in front of him?

    Anyway those lines are honestly weird, but songs and poems are quite different from normal writing due to attached deeper meanings. However, what I see here is a case of you picturing some metaphor in your native language on your mind and ended up writing them down in English - thus the strange transformation between what was thought and what is written.

    I've never heard of "spooky" being used in daylight with the sun shining bright. The word "mysterious" itself if used, will tone down the "horror" element from the text. "Eerie" is perhaps a more similar word but then again, I don't really understand the meaning of the line.

    "is there a spooky man?" means you are looking/searching for a spooky man and not you see a spooky man behind you when you look back.
     
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  9. darnoldy

    darnoldy Curmudgeon

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    In that case, you might want to use "For the sake of some love..." or "For a chance at some love..."
    "Mysterious" works better, so might "shadowy."
     
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  10. Dakoom

    Dakoom Web City

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    No, the shadown is behind him, so the sun is in front of him.

    Ok got it. But with that sentence "is there a misterious man?" it's like I'm the narrator of the story who directly talks to the main character of the story, referring to his shadow.
     
  11. Dakoom

    Dakoom Web City

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    Hey guys, is this okay?

     
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