[Official Thread] Help Dakoom with his Language Problems. Goal? Create better songs!

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Dakoom, Dec 1, 2015.

  1. Dakoom

    Dakoom Web City

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    You may know I'm from Italy and you also may have read some of my messages in these forums written in English containing some bad grammar or spelling errors.

    What is the purpose of this thread? You have to know that Dakoom, other than beign an active web developer is first a musician, and he have a band called Skullmonkeys created by him and for which he write songs in English language.

    The problems usually comes when he doesn't know if a "phrase" is currently a correct "English phrase" or not.
    Would you help me then to write down some good lyrics in a correct English? :D

    First example where I would need some help:

    Is this all correct? :er_what_Pigeon:
    Thank you so much in advance for any reply!
     
    Last edited: Dec 1, 2015
  2. Lisa

    Lisa Chaotically Proportional

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    When I was going into the Hell, I founded her eyes
    and I watched
    like the Moon see the Sun in his dreams.

    I was a fool, I was a dreamer, but she didn't care


    *founded - I'm going to assume it's supposed to be "found", "saw" or "caught"
     
  3. Dakoom

    Dakoom Web City

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    Yes! Mertically talking it works with the song the word "founded".
     
  4. Lisa

    Lisa Chaotically Proportional

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    Yeah, founded doesn't work in that context.

    Founded is used in situations like

    "Microsoft was founded by Bill Gates"

    You don't "founded" someone's eyes :D
     
  5. Dakoom

    Dakoom Web City

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    Argh! LOL
    So the theme here is: "You are falling into the Hell.. and when falling you get catched by those beautiful eyes that solve your soul problems".
    So maybe "caughted"? It doesn't sound to good, however.
     
  6. Dakoom

    Dakoom Web City

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  7. Lisa

    Lisa Chaotically Proportional

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    Caught :) caughted isn't a word.

    When I was going into the Hell, I founded her eyes
    and I watched
    like the Moon see the Sun in his dreams.

    I was a fool, I was a dreamer, but she didn't care

    Discovered, captured, sought . . . would all fit.
     
  8. Empire

    Empire Devotee

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    Learn some narco language.

    I am the fire that burns your skin,
    Soy el fuego que arde tu piel
    I am the water that kills your thirst.
    soy el agua que mata tu sed.
    Of the castle, I am the tower,
    El castillo, la torre yo soy
    the sword that guards the treasure.
    la espada que guarda el caudal.
    You, the air that I breathe,
    tu el aire que respiro yo
    and the light of the moon on the sea.
    y la luz de la luna en el mar.
    The throat that longs to be choked
    La garganta que ansio mojar
    that I’m afraid I’ll drown in love.
    que temo ahogar de amor.
    And which desires you are going to give me.
    y cuales deseos me vas a dar
    just to look is treasure enough,
    mi tesoro basta con mirarlo,
    it will be yours, it will be yours.
    tuyo será, y tuyo será.
     
  9. Dakoom

    Dakoom Web City

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    Discovered in this case would be better! Have you listened to it?
    Thank you Striving I'll take a look at it.
     
  10. Dakoom

    Dakoom Web City

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    So for now I have this:

    I changed "eyes" with "face". Here is a new record of it, with the actual lyrics:

    http://vocaroo.com/i/s0FOgd4t5Z2q
     
  11. Dakoom

    Dakoom Web City

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    I have this lyric:

    Is it correct?
     
  12. Lisa

    Lisa Chaotically Proportional

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    I like everything except one line:-

    is there a spooky man?

    I would suggest changing spooky to something a little more atmospheric.
     
  13. Dakoom

    Dakoom Web City

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    I can change it to "is there a mysterious man?".
    I used spooky because with the sun you get the shadow of a man... this was my "Image".
     
  14. Lisa

    Lisa Chaotically Proportional

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    Yeah, I figured as much. It's just the word doesn't seem to fit with the rest.
     
  15. Dakoom

    Dakoom Web City

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    Ok, thank you so much Morganna! Sonn I'll post a lot of new lyrics that needs (probably) to be corrected. :notworthy:
     
  16. Klaatu

    Klaatu Fan

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    You should write in Italian and then translate to English. When your English is limited your songs might not only have bad grammar, they might also sound redundant and not exactly 'poetic'. I was born in NYC, but English isn't really my native language because my family moved to Madrid when I was less than a year old and I grew up there. Even though I lived in Denver, Los Angeles and London for 10 years combined, I still feel more comfortable speaking Spanish, so when I write my songs or poems, I always write in Spanish and if I have to, I translate to English. ;)
     
  17. Dakoom

    Dakoom Web City

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    Thank you for your message Klaatu! The problem is that I hate to write in Italian language, especially when writing songs. :D
     
  18. Dakoom

    Dakoom Web City

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    "Will do my roses burn throughout the sky?"

    Is this correct in english?
     
  19. VICE

    VICE tool

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    No.
    Use either "Will" or "Does".
    The meaning will change on either case.
     
  20. Dakoom

    Dakoom Web City

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    Oh, okay. I didn't know that!
    Is this valid everywhere?

    So "will roses burn throughout the sky?" is a correct phrase, right?
     
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