Need some advice

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by fixer, Jul 7, 2019.

  1. Nev_Dull

    Nev_Dull Anachronism

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    Sounds like you had a good talk. I hope it works out. Just remember, addicts lie. They lie to their friends, their family, to everyone around them. Most importantly, they lie to themselves. An addict is like someone with dual personalities. The "real" person you knew can recognize what they've done and have every intention of turning things around, which is why they come off as being sincere. But the addict in the back of their heads takes over when the need for drugs/alcohol get strong and every promise they made is gone like a fart in a windstorm.

    As TP said above, as long as he stays connected to anyone who is or was addicted, the chances of successful recovery go down considerably. Whatever happens, at least you did what you can to show your support.
     
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  2. R0binHood

    R0binHood Habitué

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    You're a good cousin for trying to help with this.

    Is he really paying out for a hotel for nights on end with his GF just to get some nookie and avoid the mums house where he has a place to stay if he wants it?

    Doesn't she have a place to stay they could hook up and then he could go home at night?

    Sounds like it could be a neutral location binge retreat. Why else pay out for a room for nights on end? Hotels aren't cheap, and a lot more expensive than renting your own place. Has he been going to work when staying in the hotel?

    If he's not doing opiates, is he drinking too much? If he's drinking at all are you sure he's not then doing more once he's drunk?

    I don't know what the best course of action is, but his behaviour makes his claims of being clean sound questionable.

    He probably needs to know that if he does open up and tell you that he still has a problem you're not going to judge him, shame him and think less of him, just that you care about him and want to help get him out of this situation, as long as he's willing to drop that **** and put in the work to get clean and make a new life.

    Stay in touch with him frequently. Call or text him daily, check in on him. Send him funny or interesting crap you find on the net as friend as an excuse to send a message.

    Invite him to dinner or other events to try and get him into new more positive social circles. Make him feel like someone actually gives a **** about him and that he has the chance to reintegrate to normal life instead of feeling like his only escape is to lock himself in a hotel with a woman for days on end.

    He has a motorcycle - will he go riding or off roading with you to reignite any hobbies or passions he can focus and put his energy on outside of work hours?

    If he is back on it, it sounds like he could do with getting out of town and away from any local bad influences. If you and his mum are his only support network that might be tough though.

    Good luck man.
     
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  3. fixer

    fixer I'm In My Prime

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    87AEFC32-4DA2-4C64-ABE2-9D26F4624B5B.jpeg
     
  4. fixer

    fixer I'm In My Prime

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    he told me his step mom would call his work and have them piss test him and according to him thats what happened today
     
  5. fixer

    fixer I'm In My Prime

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    Motorcycle riding is the catalyst i've been utilizing, however if he is using it is not safe for me to ride with him, when i go riding without a passenger i do in a way that keeps my adrenaline pumping ... no putting around, I wear full riding gear.... so when we ride together if you are not of clear mind you most likely are not going to make it long not just do i not want to see that i don't want him taking me with him.

    We find the most crazy roads and see how fast we can ride them often dragging the foot pegs

    10CDCA9D-B022-4BB8-A5CB-6C0D61CAC1C3.jpeg
     
  6. R0binHood

    R0binHood Habitué

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    Totally agree mate, just trying to come up with some bonding ideas where you can spend some quality time together away from the temptation of using, and trying to think of something that would be a good alternative draw and rush to focus his energy on.
     
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  7. sbjsbj

    sbjsbj Fan

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    So he passed that test which cost 450$? If so, that is really good news. Again, encourage him and reward him maybe. I don't know. At least express how good he is doing by not falling back and that soon he will lead a normal life.
     
  8. zappaDPJ

    zappaDPJ Administrator

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    I can't offer any real advice but I can empathise. A friend of 45 years has a chronic alcohol problem. I've become an (unqualified) counsellor to him and his wife. I understand the pain, dilemmas and knock on effects these kind of situations can cause so you have my sympathy. The only advice I can give is to listen and try to direct them to organisations more qualified to help.
     
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  9. doubt

    doubt Tazmanian

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    The best advice.
    He needs that and a strong will to give up his current lifestyle.
    The very best professionals cannot help him without that will.
     
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