External Dispute Involvement

[Michael-AdEx]

Hey I havent been here for so long but hello, I hope you are all doing well I was wondering how most administrators deal with external problems when they arise on their sites, for example user A is harassing user B but externally on another forum for example making user A feel like not visiting your website any more. How would you deal with this or would you bother dealing with this at all? What if this was happening to a member of staff on your forum?

I really would love some advice on the best ways to deal with this, or not.

I am thinking telling the members to use the ignore feature on any external websites as well as my own would work best but that wouldnt work so well for staff.

Any ideas?

Thank you.

 

[The Sandman]

The rule of thumb is, you can't really worry what happens beyond the borders of your own community.

I have rarely made exceptions though, when I believe that one user is totally in the wrong - in that case I *might* contact the "guilty" party and try to persuade them to play nice if they want to remain a member in good standing on my forum and give them a "time out" if they don't.

In either case, you're basically choosing one member over the other - if you do nothing you're (passively) choosing the aggressor and will probably lose the victim, and if you intervene in favor of the victim you may well lose the aggressor, and even get some grief for your trouble. Choose your poison.

Ignoring only works if both parties are determined to ignore each other - seldom works like that.

Sometimes if you do nothing (or maybe just "hold the victim's hand and sympathize with them") it will blow over on it's own.

 

[User37935]

Generally I don't touch third party disputes like that with a barge pole.

Unless it directly involves your forum, these disputes can be so hard to deal with, and nearly always one or both parties never tells you the whole story anyway. Without all the facts, how can you really do anything?

I would make an effort to encourage user A to still take part in the forum however, assuring them that any problems would be dealt with if they report it.

 

[Michael-AdEx]

The rule of thumb is, you can't really worry what happens beyond the borders of your own community.

I have rarely made exceptions though, when I believe that one user is totally in the wrong - in that case I *might* contact the "guitly" party and try to persuade them to play nice if they want to remain a member in good standing on my forum and give them a "time out" if they don't.

In either case, you're basically choosing one member over the other - if you do nothing you're (passively) choosing the aggressor and will probably lose the victim, and if you intervene in favor of the victim you may well lose the aggressor, and even get some grief for your trouble. Choose your poison.

Ignoring only works if both parties are determined to ignore each other - seldom works like that.

Sometimes if you do nothing (or maybe just "hold the victim's hand and sympathize with them") it will blow over on it's own.

Thanks Howard, its definitely tricky to deal with, I am still unsure which way to deal with this. Would the time out be a temporary ban or a permanent one?

Generally I don't touch third party disputes like that with a barge pole.

Unless it directly involves your forum, these disputes can be so hard to deal with, and nearly always one or both parties never tells you the whole story anyway. Without all the facts, how can you really do anything?

I would make an effort to encourage user A to still take part in the forum however, assuring them that any problems would be dealt with if they report it.

Thanks, I feel the same, I dont want to get involved but this particular situation is involving a staff member of my site and theyre being name called by the same person constantly on another forum, it would be like me name calling Howard and disliking all his posts on another admin forum and then acting nice as pie on here as to avoid him banning me.

 

[The Sandman]

Thanks Howard, its definitely tricky to deal with, I am still unsure which way to deal with this. Would the time out be a temporary ban or a permanent one?

Temporary if the member decides to play nice, otherwise permanent. As I said, one way or another you're choosing sides, whether it's actively or passively. In the vast majority of situations, passively is better. Either way, you stand a reasonable chance of losing one or both members in situations like this, no matter what you do.

Thanks, I feel the same, I dont want to get involved but this particular situation is involving a staff member of my site and theyre being name called by the same person constantly on another forum, it would be like me name calling Howard and disliking all his posts on another admin forum and then acting nice as pie on here as to avoid him banning me.

Yeah, like that never happens. Thank goodness forum admins have thicker skins and act more grown up than the members of other types of forums.

 

[Martin]

Straight up threats I'll consider dealing with but other than that I tend to not meddle if it wasn't on my community

Edit: Just to clarify; It's because if someone have gone to a point where they've threatened people, they're most likely not people I want to have as members of my communities anyway.

 

[Sysnative]

Not sure there is much you can do in this situation. I think the most you can do is contact the other user, and just try and remind them whoever they hate is human as well. I would also only do that if I was already in some degree of contact with that user, rather than being aware that they post on my site.

If it's not disrupting your site, then there isn't much you can or should do.

 

[Michael-AdEx]

Thanks guys, I am going to go on if its disrupting the site/members on site then take action under those circumstances and encourage reporting etc.

 

[meetdilip]

Talk with admin/mod of that forum. If they are professional they will surely does not allow something like that.

 

[Nev_Dull]

I have to agree with Howard on this. Your best bet is to stay out of it.

I assume you know about it because your staff member told you. If it was me, I'd tell the staff member that I understood the stress he/she is feeling, but unless that person misbehaves on my site, I can't do anything about it. I would also remind the staffer of his/her obligation to treat every member fairly, despite personal feelings.

In a way, it could be a good experience for both you and the staff member. How that staffer handles the person on your site will tell you a lot about his/her character. If she handles it professionally, it might show you she's a good candidate for a higher position. It also should put up a red flag on that member and let you know not to give them much leeway on the rules.

 

[agandl]

I have been reading this thread with interest. I found it because I was going to start a thread on a similar issue and was just checking through to see if it had been covered.

Our issue was more with a forum member latching on to another member because they had similar areas of interest. The 'latcher on' initially just appeared to be trying to be friendly but then started pestering, misquoting and otherwise making herself a nuisance. We have taken the line that if it is outside the forum it is outside the remit of the forum, much in line with the advice given above.

We have however supported the member who has been harassed, on a 1-2-1 basis and suggested to her that she should block all contact. Additionally we have shared the info between the admins in case we get multiple complaints of a similar nature or the issues spill into the forum - in either of these cases we intend that it will be summarily dealt with.

 

[rhens]

Hey I havent been here for so long but hello, I hope you are all doing well I was wondering how most administrators deal with external problems when they arise on their sites, for example user A is harassing user B but externally on another forum for example making user A feel like not visiting your website any more. How would you deal with this or would you bother dealing with this at all? What if this was happening to a member of staff on your forum?

I really would love some advice on the best ways to deal with this, or not.

I am thinking telling the members to use the ignore feature on any external websites as well as my own would work best but that wouldnt work so well for staff.

Any ideas?

Thank you.

if user a is doing the harassing, then his/her absence on your forum is probably a good thing over the short term. is user b the staff member on your forum? if so....this is probably best case scenario. user a is not causing problems on your site, and user b will likely spend more time on your site and less time on the site where the harassment is occuring. i would monitor this situation, but i would not get directly involved with any disputes....unless it spills into your forum.

 

[asingh601]

If a user is staff member then better one is fire him and banned permanently because his presence may lead to reputation down or may be shut the forum off, we have to judge all the dispute in accordance to our rules we don't want to make a wrong decision and if other site member harassed then we are not have authority to do something.