- Joined
- Jan 6, 2004
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- 5,948
I've recently returned from a trip up North to visit my yankee relatives for the first time. Here are a few things I've learned about them and the culture.
- 1. They drink, a lot.
I was not surprised by this because I was warned in advance about the drinking habits of degenerate yankees but I was surprised to find out that they mostly drink beer. Being a man of refined taste I gladly accepted the sampler order of all the beers they had on tap in the local brewery. After finishing all 8 and finding one I liked I ordered another, and another, and another. Sadly, my cousin had neglected to tell me that the beer I liked hovered around 10% ABV.
- 2. They aren't interested in what I have to say just how I say it
For three days I was forced to long winded conversations simply because the locals would keep them going so they could hear my accent. By the third day I started making up words to see if anyone would call me on my BS. No one did and I now have many people convinced that "wahounder" is the opposite of "younder" and both describe legitimate directions. I managed to make several women blush just by speaking with them.
- 3. West Virginia really is full of ugly people
I was forced to spend many hours in this state and stop for lunch on my way to yankee country. This is a mistake I will not be repeating as I was both forced to pay a toll to use their interstate and had the displeasure of observing the locals in a gas station subway. Through some quick and dirty math I've determined that a West Virginia 10 is <= a North Carolina 2. Being an okay looking guy I'm sure I was the most handsome gentleman in the state during my short stay in it.
- 4. Yankees do not understand Southern Satire
They believe everything you tell them including things like: "Where I'm from you're required to have a 2 drinks of moonshine before driving on public roads" and "In the south we believe cousin marriage makes for a strong and tight knit family".
- 5. The hate for my Grandfather is real
I never understood why my Grandmother's family never visited until I spent time with them over the last week. They're freakin' loaded and have been for some time. My Grandfather being the ladies man that he was managed to steal away their only daughter even though he was dirt poor at the time. I plan to follow in his footsteps and steal me a yankee bride one of these days.
I'm going back next summer to their cottage/lake house next summer for ****s and giggles. I really did have fun on my first trip North of the mason dixon line. I'm mostly kidding
- 1. They drink, a lot.
I was not surprised by this because I was warned in advance about the drinking habits of degenerate yankees but I was surprised to find out that they mostly drink beer. Being a man of refined taste I gladly accepted the sampler order of all the beers they had on tap in the local brewery. After finishing all 8 and finding one I liked I ordered another, and another, and another. Sadly, my cousin had neglected to tell me that the beer I liked hovered around 10% ABV.
- 2. They aren't interested in what I have to say just how I say it
For three days I was forced to long winded conversations simply because the locals would keep them going so they could hear my accent. By the third day I started making up words to see if anyone would call me on my BS. No one did and I now have many people convinced that "wahounder" is the opposite of "younder" and both describe legitimate directions. I managed to make several women blush just by speaking with them.
- 3. West Virginia really is full of ugly people
I was forced to spend many hours in this state and stop for lunch on my way to yankee country. This is a mistake I will not be repeating as I was both forced to pay a toll to use their interstate and had the displeasure of observing the locals in a gas station subway. Through some quick and dirty math I've determined that a West Virginia 10 is <= a North Carolina 2. Being an okay looking guy I'm sure I was the most handsome gentleman in the state during my short stay in it.
- 4. Yankees do not understand Southern Satire
They believe everything you tell them including things like: "Where I'm from you're required to have a 2 drinks of moonshine before driving on public roads" and "In the south we believe cousin marriage makes for a strong and tight knit family".
- 5. The hate for my Grandfather is real
I never understood why my Grandmother's family never visited until I spent time with them over the last week. They're freakin' loaded and have been for some time. My Grandfather being the ladies man that he was managed to steal away their only daughter even though he was dirt poor at the time. I plan to follow in his footsteps and steal me a yankee bride one of these days.
I'm going back next summer to their cottage/lake house next summer for ****s and giggles. I really did have fun on my first trip North of the mason dixon line. I'm mostly kidding
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